For many years I’ve always had it or made it a one way street. It was either my way or no way. Everything I did, wanted or demanded, was totally me, me and me.
No excuses, no reasoning, It was me being selfish and not wanting to sacrifice, share or otherwise feel weak. I hated feeling like I was left open to getting hurt, taken advantage of or left out. This is me being raw and honest with myself as well as you. I was a self-absorbed, thoughtless, uncaring, unforgiving, relentless, rebellious, and far from being an adult about things. talk about a thirty-something year old acting like a spoiled four year old who literally threw temper tantrums when things didn’t go my way. I tell you right now. I was that person.
Well think about it. Growing up it was my dad’s rule (One way – His way). After getting married the first time it was a nightmare. Which might just be another post for another day. But it was one way – His way and I had no choice.
Then later on in my mid-forties I became homeless. I had to fight to get a bed at the shelter, I had to fight to get a plate of food that was served once a day, had to fight to get change to get cigarettes, and personal items. During this time of being homeless (the second time in my life) a man who helped out with medical transport from the center to the shelter in the evening and then from the shelter to the center in the morning, was flirting with me, trying to get me to go out with him. Still in the “One way – My way” thinking, I kept telling him “No”, “In your dreams” and “I don’t think so”. He never gave up and there was something about him. I felt safe, secure and let my guard down when he was around. I wasn’t all about me
On April 9th he wore my walls down completely. April 10th when he dropped me off at the shelter I walked out to the driveway with him. He said he’d see me later and started to head for his car. I melted. I heard a voice in my heart say “Now, or never. This is the one.” so I grabbed his arm, turned him around and kissed him.
That was the beginning of the end of One Way – My Way.