A Loss

On Saturday December 2, 2017 my mom passed away in the hospital ICU. She had Congenital Heart Failure for a while and after 3 mild heart attacks in less than 48 hours her heart gave out.


She took her last breath at 10:45 pm. When first taking her to the emergency room it sounded like COPD from the ER doctor. They wanted to keep her overnight for observation. The next morning we went to visit her and find out when she’s getting discharged. I received very bad news from her doctor on the floor. There was no infection, and her heart rate kept dropping and going up a little then dropping again. Her kidneys were shut down, as she was not producing urine at all. The doctor said they would put her from observation to ICU and give her a drug to help her heart and see if they could get her heart rate up and stable. After a few hours the next doctor on duty said he’d like to try another drug that would make her heart squeeze more. That failed. After three hours my mothers heart rate kept dropping as well as her respirations were fluctuating. The doctor explained they could keep trying and prolonging her dying and I know my mother would not want to lay in a hospital bed with tubes in her arm and chest and suffering with her heart wanting to quit. She had even told me she wasn’t scared, was ready to go to another place. I told the doctor to take her off the drug. Twenty¬† minutes later after stopping the IV drips and a dose of morphine to make her comfortable and no pain. She took her last tiny breath. I feel comforted that I was there to hold her hand and sit by her as she didn’t deserve to die alone. For the next few days I can’t exactly grieve, I have a lot of my time spent in her apartment going through her belongings, donating some, keeping others, and scrubbing things down. My aunt (my dad’s sister) is handling the funeral home/cremation arrangements and the stone engraving. I don’t think I could really handle that.

Once everything is done and my mom’s belongings are taking care of, the apartment cleaned and our apartment is re-organized and rearranged, then I will take time to grieve properly. There’s no funeral, wake or graveside service. Mom didn’t want that. Just only to be cremated and put next to my dad.

My parents were my heroes, My dad the heart of a lamb, willing to help anyone, the courage of a lion and the cunning of a wolf. He died of cancer in 2004 (March 4) and my mom… Well truthfully she and I fought tooth and nail. We weren’t close at all. I was a Daddy’s Girl during my entire childhood. When my dad died, my mom and I got very close. My best friend, confidante and my advisor. I will miss her dearly as I still miss my dad.

So I will post as time allows until all this running, cleaning, packing, moving and the other duties that come with a parent who has passed. Once done and I’ve grieved I’ll get to a regular schedule and have an schedule and list of posts I want to do.

God Bless


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